Firstly, I just want to say a massive thank you for the love and support people have shown my OU post on twitter. I have had some lovely messages and comments from some inspiring people and you are all just fabulous!
Anyway! Onto the blog post!
I love travelling. LOVE IT. So, when my psychiatrist told me travelling was going to affect my Bi Polar I put my all into trying to accommodate for it. I was determined to not let Bi Polar stop me from doing what I love – NO WAY!
Leading up to Valencia I was adamant that Bi Polar wasn’t going to be a cause for concern and my trip was going to be like every other trip I’ve had. Fun, late nights watching sunrises and meeting new people. Well, this trip didn’t go down like that. My hypo – mania decided to drop in and I had a massive high followed by a severe low. FML.
Starting off I had a drink. This should’ve been the first sign that I was going into mania. I used to do shots to get myself to sleep so when we went to the pub for a quick one after dinner the night before the flight, I should’ve halted. I should’ve known it wasn’t going to be all flowers the second I knew I had an early flight and the night before I’d only slept for 4 hours. To follow I then got no sleep the night before our 7am flight. This lead to me being extremely manic on the plane, I also believe it was caused by the speed of the atmosphere at the airport.
I then spent a total of 24 hours in Valencia before flying home. In that 24 hours I realised something. I wasn’t manic because of the way I was, I was manic because of the company I was keeping and the situation I was in. Of course, being around people smoking and drinking in the heat was going to cause me to get upset because I couldn’t join in on the beers. Obviously being around someone who is ok with putting me in them situations and encouraging me to make bad choices and someone who is an anxious person was going to put me on edge. I’m not going to go into detail because I have gone over and over it in my head but what happened in Valencia was my “over it” moment. I need to look out for myself and put my health first and for some friends that isn’t the case.
My mum and nan were concerned for me going and didn’t think it was the best idea because I’m only newly diagnosed. The whole flight home I was so nervous about telling them why I’d left and what had happened, but I shouldn’t have been. They were proud of me. I realised I was in a bad situation and wasn’t ashamed to admit I needed to leave. I put my health before a friendship. I cut myself out of the situation all on my own.
This whole situation has made me start to question some of my friendships and made me realise how toxic some of them are. You wouldn’t stay with a partner if they abuse you so why would you stay friends with someone who encourages you to make bad choices? My psychiatrist mentioned to me once that one of the hardest things I will have to do in this bi polar journey is cut people out. Some friends you will realise that the only thing you have in common is the type of wine you like or the price of shots. When you take that away what’s left? Do they really care for you?
This trip made me realise that I had a very toxic friendship close to me and that they don’t care for my well being at all. They didn’t see how their choices were affecting me and they don’t understand that I shouldn’t be drinking full stop. “I haven’t changed my mind about drinking, I’ve just relapsed” I don’t see how someone can loss track of how I feel about drinking when they know I shouldn’t be drinking at all. How can someone who cares for you convince you to drink when they know you could go insane or extremely depressed? Simply, they don’t care. People like that aren’t your friends and you have to cut them out sadly.
All in all, this trip has made me realise that bi polar will not be the reason I don’t travel. I just must make sure that the people who I’m travelling with care about my well being and look out for me. I can have the same experiences that I used to have. I can watch sun rises and dance in streets to street musicians – I don’t know how fun this will be soberly lols. I just can’t be around people who are going to be doing all the wrong things in my current state. Valencia you may have caused me to get rid of a friend, but you have shown me that not all friendships are as real as you think.
As well as this post I will write a “tips for travelling with bi polar” post and a Valencia post! I may have only been there for 24 hours, but I still did a lot! I also did a lot of travelling before I was diagnosed so if it’s wanted I can always write about them places 😊
I hope everyone has a lovely week and remember if someone does something to often then it isn’t a mistake, it’s their behaviour and maybe you should think about how involved you want to be with it.