You’ll have to bear with me on this post.
It’s a difficult one to write.
I don’t talk about my alcohol intake very often on my blog but I think it’s about time that I did.
As most of you know, when you are taking mental health medication it is highly recommended that you don’t drink alcohol. Well like many people with Bipolar I don’t listen to that advice, I don’t care about the advice. We’ll I didn’t until 2 weeks ago.
***TRIGGER WARNING – This topic contains alcohol abuse and disturbing content***
Here’s my story with alcohol.
I never realised I had a problem. That was until I first sat down with my psychiatrist and he said I had to take a month with no alcohol. This was to determine if I had a genuine problem or if my depression was down to my Bipolar. Let me tell you, this month was incredibly hard for me. Going to social events and not having a glass of wine in my hand felt abnormal. Going on dates and saying, “sorry can’t drink” felt incredibly silly to me. Anyway, I got through it and was diagnosed with Bipolar.
I never realised until 2 weeks ago how much I abused alcohol. When I was down I would drink to make myself, what I now know is manic. When I was manic I would drink because I didn’t care. Now to the grim bit. How did I realise this? Well, I was on my way home from a night out with work which was a late one. I was in a depressive episode so I thought I’d have one, which lead to 10 and some shots. I was on my way home in an Uber and then was sick all over myself. I somehow text my mum and ask her to pick me up. Now this was at 3am. Why on earth would I text my mum at this time when she’s working early shifts? Because I had no respect, clearly. I just cared about getting out of this depressive episode and didn’t care who I upset.
For some reason, this was a trigger for me and made me realise that I can’t keep using alcohol every time I get depressed. It just doesn’t do anyone any good. So, time for a change. I’m currently 10 days and 23 hours sober as I write this. Which, for me, is a record. I’ve decided to know listen to my psychiatrist and not drink my sorrows away. I will stand up to them like a normal person and not be an abuser. This is my way of making a statement for myself. Rosie, you are going to be fine. You aren’t an abuser.
If you suffer with alcohol abuse please DM me on twitter or leave a message x